Rambling Thoughts on Life

Learn more from a better writer then me

2011-10-06T12:46:00.000-07:00

I just read a very lengthy blog by: John Hanrahan who is a former executive director of The Fund for Investigative Journalism and reporter for The Washington Post, The Washington Star, UPI, and other news organizations. He is now on special assignment for Nieman Watchdog.

It is well written and goes into depth of what is going on not only with the wall street occupation but will the general activist population of the United States today.

Please take some time to read this today.

9/11 Paralysis of America

2011-09-10T13:38:00.000-07:00

Okay this is going to piss some of you off… but I ask you toactually think about what I am suggesting and accept my personal point of view.

I am so sick of all the 9/11 hoopla, and no, it is not justbecause this is the tenth anniversary and there is more of it than normal. Ihave been over the whole event for almost 10 years now. Yes, our country was attacked. This is notunusual, just look at the history of any of our older siblings of European countries,Latin American, African, or Asian countries… it happens all the time. We arenow in the middle of way too many wars with 9/11 being used as the overallexcuse or reason. A war on terror which is a not even a country/person but anemotion. How do we war against and emotion – on other peoples soil? Why as acountry are we looking not within but out? –

(fromwiki)The emotion of terror is an extreme form of fear that results inparalysis of the will.

Yes! We as a country have given up our WILLand have accepted paralysis.

We have paralysis of government, of the stock market, of thehousing, credit, and job markets. Really, by constantly staying in a state of ‘heightenedalert’ and ‘fighting’ this emotion… they won.

What gives any of us the right to expect to be safe? You arenot safe in your own bathtub. Safety is and always has been and will be anelusive abstract illusion. We are no safer now then we were in 1911 or 1811 thegeneral threats are about the same.

We have lost touch the whole ‘melting pot’ of America.Segregation is once again prevalent in our society only now it is not so blackand white. Today a car of red-necksscreamed and hollered ethnically wrong, derogatories at a group of Indian women walking past myhouse all wearing their most beautiful sari’s…. and you know, even if they wereMuslim, or of middle eastern descent, that attitude is still is not what thisgreat country was built on. “…all men created equal…”

If you must wallow in the pain and fear of 9/11 thisweekend, go for it! Get it out of your systems. Let it be the starting point ofyour letting go and moving forward. Transform that energy into something constructiveand useful. If we took all that energy of hate, fear, anger, terror and put itinto the economy, happiness, and love we could change the tide on this ‘war onterror’ and start creating a happy, healthy, and sane life for all Americans nomatter their race, religion, or lifestyle. Use it as a reminder that we lost our path andnow it is necessary to put our energy back into an upright movement. Or we cancontinue to be paralyzed in terror and watch the continuing decline of the Americanway of life.

Recycle This!

2011-09-07T14:44:00.000-07:00

Theroom feels stagnate, several people sit nervously in chairs someone arranged ina circle. No one talks. There is an occasional cough, shuffle or what I noticemost, twisting of feet in and circular pattern revolving around ones littletoe. I know this as I don’t dare look up, no, not at their faces. My head ishung low and all I see is the floor and shoes. The tension peeks as themeetings’ moderator walks in and takes his seat, I am still not reallylistening just watching the feet twist and sway in their individual nonrhythmic ways.

Suddenlythe guy to my left nudges me. Oh my god! It’s my turn! My shaky hand reachesinto the pocket of my old gray hooded sweatshirt jacket that I bought for 3bucks at the Salvation Army Resale shop just up the road. I pull out the redslip of paper that the city unceremoniously left on my front porch. I wipe mysweaty palms on my jeans covered with homemade patches, only they are not forfashion; they are for warmth and sturdiness. I feel the air as it draws soharshly across my throat and upper bronchi, there is no way that air isgetting all the way down into my lungs right now. I steady myself and look up.My voice seems distant and fragile

“Hi,I my name is Ramblin', and I recycle too much.”

WHATTHE F*&%??????

Lookat this:

The city left me a nasty gram!!!

An Excessive Amount?

WELL EXCUSE ME!

EXCUSE ME FOR:

Being a good citizen
Being a steward for the planet
Thinking about our future generations
Saving the whales, dolphins and anything else that eats plastic in the ocean
Being a poster child for the recycling industry
Trying to shame my neighbors into being better at recycling
Doing winter cleaning of rooms that have held way too much stuff for too long
Being awake
Being a liberal, tree huggin’, hippy
Paying the pick up guys salary single-handedly
Saving landfill space

Nowit seems to me that the reason for recycling bins and a city wide recyclingproject is to do just that. Recycle the stuff that people use. Thus keeping itout of our landfills and it even makes the City and the Recycling company somemoney. Now one of the other things I noticed, is this nasty gram did not appearto be printed on post-consumer recycled card stock! Another thing that ‘justaint right’ here in my little town. If you average out just my street there arethere are 15 houses of which on average 8 put out one recycle bin a week thatis on average half full (or half empty for your pessimists out there) If I putout 4 to 5 bins on average a week our 2 block street is still not up to the“average 2 bins per house hold’ rule. Am I the only one who noticed that itsays “…up to an average of 2…” even if you cut it down to just my block,we could have up to 18 bins per week. WE ARE AS A BLOCK, STILL WAY UNDER THAT AVERAGE!

Howam I to resolve my “Excessive Amount” issue? I ask my self. I could use my oldtrash cans that I have left over after the city went to bigger self loadingcarts. Fill them each one with paper and one with plastics and glass; late atnight roll them around my neighborhood quietly filling all of my neighbors’half empty bins. I could use all my green bins and just spread them out overthe street in front of everyone else’s house so the guy has to stop morefrequently – wouldn’t this waist more gas??? I could adopt an elephant fromsome circus who needs a good home and train him to step on the stuff piled inmy bins thus creating more space, however this would not work for glassproducts as they don’t like them broken and it would be cruel in inhuman for mynew pet. It could pile up over weeks and when I am low, I could add it… ah thatwill not happen. I could let it pile up and then roll it down to the steps ofcity hall…

Wellthis is just the start of a letter that will go to the city Mayor, my councilwoman, the paper, and tv channels to see if there is not something that can bedone about it. However I am aware that I can not be so irate when I write themas I can here on a blog. So until then it is back to my meeting to be talkabout what a bad person I must be for recycling.

Nowto continue our meeting of RA (Recyclers Anonymous)

The 12 Steps

Step 1 - I admitted I am powerless over my addiction of trying to save theplanet via recycling
Step 2 –I have came to believe that a greater Power (AKA: the man) willresist me at every step of filling my green bins
Step 3 – I have made a decision to turn our excess recycling to the garbageman, however I will most likely just spread it out into my neighbors emptybins.
Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our glass andplastics
Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exactnature of our wrongs. I am a liberal, tree huggin’, hippy
Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects ofcharacter = but really hope he will see is way to removing the defects from thecharacter of those who stand in our recycling way, as we are sure he wants usto have a clean and green planet to live and breathe on.
Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings, so that we will stopbeing angry at ‘the man’ who gets in our way of saving landfill space
Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to makeamends to them all. I apologies to the poor recycle pick up guywho must spend and extra 90 seconds in front of my house each week.
Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when todo so would injure them or others = I will leave him cookies – oh but thenhe would leave me another nasty gram as they are not on the official list ofrecyclable goods.
Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrongpromptly admitted it. Wrong? Me? Hun, well I guess I need to work on this step
Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our consciouscontact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's willfor us and the power to carry that out --- well let us see: God=Nature;Nature=God; God=Man – this man says pick up the G(*D(*# recycling! There thatshould do it.
Step 12 - Having had a spiritualawakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to otheraddicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs - so I write thisblog to reach out and help others like me who have taken this sign to heart,and perhaps a bit overboard in practice.

Weall drank plenty of organic green tea and smoked hookahs and left to go ourseparate ways knowing we are not perfect and will continue to be working on ourrecycling addictions for the rest of our lives.

Although I have been in recovery for over 3 years, I still over-stuff my bins from time to time.

This is a recycled blog... from 2008.

14 months of Bikram yoga

2011-08-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

Depending on the scale I was around 220lbs (give or take 5) when I started on June 12, 2010. I was looking for a way to lose weight and find myself. I was pushing a size 18, my jeans were a 48 inch waist and I was really overflowing them. Muffin topping at both sides of the waist band which we all must agree is not really a pretty sight. My blood pressure was moderately controlled by 3 drugs and still hitting 170/98 on a regular basis. My blood pressure had always been below normal, you know, the kind of numbers that the nurse laughs and says your must be dead, or I wish mine was that low.

I could blame it on the stress of my job which at the time was way too much for any normal person to take on. The stress of my personal life as things had not been all rosy and happy for years. I could have even blamed it on the color of the living room wall but really - it is only my fault, I let those stresses get to me. In fact I let all the stressors of the world, stress me out and I hid in food and sloth.

Even worse: I teach others not to do this, but yet I couldn’t stop myself from becoming overwhelmed. After beating myself up as a failure I did what I would advise any one of my clients to do as if I was sitting in the chair in my office. It was past time to take control of the situation and get off my ass and do something before it was too late.

Taking into account of everything I know about the body, and suggestions from many people I started to think that the gym and the martial arts classes that I had used in the past were not going to work this time. I needed something new, something different, something that I could do while shutting off my mind of all distractions. This something needed to be very difficult and challenging so I would not get board or feel like I had completed it. Yet, it had to be yielding and a lifelong goal with just the right amount of encouragement that could keep me going. I knew now that I was over 40 I needed about one hour a day of exercise a day to lose weight and that it was only safe to take off about 1 to 2 pounds a week to keep from rebounding and having to deal with skin that would become too loose.

I call Bikram yoga class an hour and a half of ‘things I just can’t do’….yet. I love it, I hate it. In the beginning I had to rename all of the poses/asanas in my head just to get through the class. I had a whole non-approved “dialog” running in my head as the instructor spouted off the official dialog. The names were rude and the dialog was as sarcastic as I could make it, but it worked to keep me going through the tough times in class when I just wanted to quit. I have laughed and cried my way through classes and yeah, I am still scared at times, but it is good.

Within 8 weeks I started to notice changes in my body, some feelings of muscles, some shifting of weight. It was also about that point when the pain and exhaustion of physically working out turned into more energy and joy. At that point Bikram started to become addictive to me, I needed my class. I was traveling a lot during this year, and I made sure to get to studios wherever I went. During the first 19 weeks missed only 6 days. I still have managed to keep up an average of about 5 classes a week.

My mantra during the first year was 50 lbs and a cup size. By the six month mark I had let go of 25 of those pounds and lost that cup size. I was able to remove one of my blood pressure meds and cut way back on the other two. Within the following six months I have weaned myself off of all blood pressure medication. My average BP is now lives in the neighborhood of 118/82 and that is just fine with me.

As for my goal of 50lbs in the first year, well my life has changed so drastically that I have no idea if I have made that goal or not, as I no longer own a scale. However, I have learned that neither that machine, nor the number it gives is really is important. My clothes tell me everything I need to know and I feel better. I am wearing loose 12s now. I have gone from that 48 inch waist to 37 inches. Perhaps by the end of year two I will get back my old 28 inch waist, how I gained 20 inches in 6 years is beyond me. Lack of control I guess, with no one to help me with that and no real ability to do that myself until I was ready.

Within the last two months more shifts have been happening. My final two ‘spare tires’ are merging into one just fat tummy. There is actually a hint of an hourglass when I look straight on into the mirror. There is space developing between my calves and lately even between my thighs, I can see light through them when bending over for hands to feet. My arms are shaping up, they are no longer ‘loose and hanging’ but starting to have defined cuts. All over the musculature is starting to peak out from under the fat. My spider veins are lessening. I can even feel the bones of my pelvic girdle and ribs as I lay on the floor.

One of the hardest things now is that people are starting to notice and comment, complementing me on my weight loss and even calling me skinny. I am not yet able to take that in or digest it as there are still some mental hurdles to deal with. I think this is the hardest part as many of us put on pounds to protect ourselves from something, or to keep others away, even if we are not sure why. It is like a shield or a coat of armor and it takes a lot of work to remove all those layers of protection and still feel safe without them.

I teach that safety is an illusion at best, yet I am reminded at this time how much fear that brings up and how tough you have to be to succeed. To look at it in another way where else can we really be safe but in our own bodies?!? Maybe they/we were not safe in them during younger year in our life’s, but now, older and in control, they are our temples; our refuge; our sanctuaries. Overriding that fear is part of the letting go. The body is there to hold me and protect me and truth is it can protect me better if it is fit and ready for the challenges of fight of flight.

I will keep these thoughts in my head as I move forward through this second year of Bikram yoga and maybe just maybe, I will learn to conquer the monsters in my head or at least control them over this issue of body image.

Doing the Work

2011-08-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

This is a phrase that is often bantered around by those who do energetic work on the level where they are helping other humans move forward in/on their personal paths of destiny (in Chinese: Ming). I can put all the pieces out on the table for them to pick up. Sometimes I can even place a piece for them, but it is up to that individual to stand up organize and use that gift, information, puzzle piece…whatever. That is the work that they must do.

Enlightenment is real, it just usually happens in steps, not like the Buddha under a tree or Christ in the desert. Most of us have to work to pay the rent, living in a world that does not let us have time to do deep meditation for years at a time. We move along the path with great effort in what can only be seen as an expression of the ‘bunny hop’ dance we learned as children. Life is full of three leaps forward and one or two leaps back. Imbalance happens when we are taking more steps backwards than forwards or get too frightened to take any step.

When I set someone on their Ming and give them a little kick on the butt to get them going I tend to have an idea of where they are headed but there is no real way for me to know what their path will look like. I know when they are going to have to go through a tough time of it and I will have to handhold and be encouraging. Other times it is going be a great opening up and they will reveal in the high… until reality hits them hard upside the head and I have to explain with a smile that yep, we still have to figure out how to survive on this dimension too.

People are often seen by others that they have shared life thus far with them as 'different' when they make big steps forward and breakthroughs within their past energetic ties. How you move through that and move forward will set your new path. It is not always easy. Old friends are often seen as 'falling away' from you or not 'knowing how to relate’ to you anymore. This is normal as the energetically patterns you once shared with them may no longer mesh in the way that was comfortable to them, and the old way of meshing is no longer comfortable to you. As we move and grow through our lives physically, energetically, emotionally and spiritually those who no longer resonate with us fall to the wayside. Mourning that loss is healthy and fine, and the fear of moving forward and finding those who now resonate with you is also normal, yet neither should paralyze you from your forward movement. It is just the new “is”. Have you ever heard someone going through a relationship break up that says, “You know; I still love jim/jill but we have just grown apart” and that is exactly what it is. Feel the sadness, move through it, but it is just a growing apart and you will continue to grow and just may grow together with someone who now mirrors your path more successfully (for now…) it IS what IS now, and that is just perfect.

Now just in case you think that this only works one way; that these things only work as we like to think of it, as ascending the spiral stair case of enlightenment – think again! The other way is much more common and fair easier. We all know someone who has taken the spiral path downward, toward a hard crashing bottom. IF per se you were getting into a heavy drug habit, you would also loose certain people around you and you would gain new 'friends' who do drugs and resonate with that lifestyle. We are all beings that resonate and like attracts like. The law of attraction: one of those basic laws of physics that you must obey.

How then do you know if you are just sick of your friends, or if you are really making a step forward?

Have you turned inward and become more reflective on life? This is a normal reaction to have calm after the removal or letting go of any big that overshadowed your life. It can take some time for the body and mind to incorporate what has happened and learn from it. It is natural to take a retreat to reset.

What is your passion? Is it blossoming? Are you making a breakthrough in your art? Are you experience a new flow in your life? Do you see things more vividly? Are you noticing things that you never paid attention to and wondering what they mean? Everything is shifting on multiple levels and all levels by nature must stay in balance with each other. If we move forward on say the psychic level why would we remain stagnate on the physical or any other level?

You may start seeing things a funny now... instead of being bitchy and annoyed by the guy who should know better. Or become bemused by the lack of acceptance of life in yourself or others. Anger transforms into joy easier and sorrow is kept in better check. These are signs of advanced sight or understanding of the mundane world: The humans are funny. They are here for our amusement! Enjoy life!

Getting Started

2011-08-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

Getting started here.
I believe there comes a time when we all must reinvent ourselves. I have been in that process over the last year. This blog will be attached to my new web site and be an outlet and hopefully something that can at least amuse a few people if not give them some valuable information from time to time.

I have over 20 years of experience in the fields of massage and bodywork therapy. My specialty is in Asian Bodywork Therapy form of TuiNa. I have served on state and national boards over my time, taught and treated hundreds of people.

In Chinese Medicine we are taught to treat from pre-conception to post-mortem and everything in between. I hope to help many through their path in life.